Copy Cat

I have been invited to write a review (yay!). I caught my post-doc plagiarizing for my review (boo!). The post-doc is helping me write the review, and he turned his half into me recently. It looked a bit disjointed at first glance. When I started to compare the post-doc's writing to the references cited, I noticed some startling similarities. He cut and paste the abstracts into the review, only bothering to change a few words. If I hadn't caught this now, it would have been published and my career would be over. Over. I'd be banned from publishing at certain places. I was so mad. (Why do I spend most of my work time being angry?)

So, the post-doc is awesome in the lab. I know he isn't making up his data because I'm really on top of what's going on in the lab. I look at raw data files, etc. and others can reproduce his work. I decided to be really stern, but not to kick him out. He brings a great attitude to the lab, has a great work ethic, and produces. We talked about the plagiarism, and he admitted it. I asked him if he did that with his grad adviser, to which he replied no. I think he got lazy, had a deadline, and took the path of least of persistence. I told him that I was going to scrutinize every single word he gave me in the future, and that he almost cost me my career. I can't tell if it sunk in. If it happens again, he's fired - and he knows it.

Ceilings

The ceiling of my office here is much nicer than that of my old Ivy League office. Sometimes when "all this" is too much, I'll lay down on the floor of my office, listen to some music, and think about my nice neutral ceiling tiles. My current office has carpet and new ceiling tiles. My old Ivy League office had an unforgiving, institutional floor, over which I had to spread my yoga mat just to get comfortable enough to contemplate those water-stained ceiling tiles. The story is much the same. My students are pissing away grant dollars, not publishing, and not listening to my direction. Even if I go into the lab and show them how to do it, they can't even copy my actions. If I give them a paper, they can't reproduce the results. It takes two students to do one project, but grants generally fund one student. I'm not at a top ten place, and I don't get top ten students. It is what it is. Usual stuff, right? We've all got the same deal even if we're in a different department or discipline.

Today, I was sent over the edge by a student in my class. With all the stress of my lab, the last thing I want is my class weighing me down. This student told me that they would like to take the exam on some other day because they weren't ready for our exam tonight. Dumbfounded, I asked if they were serious. Oh yes, they were serious. The end of the story is that they agreed to take the exam tonight. But the whole interaction left me so bitter. I love teaching, but this ruins the experience for me. The bottom 5% of the class takes up 95% of my time. They are whining, complaining, and doing everything to weasel out of assignments and exams. They sure as hell aren't studying.

The rewarding days are so few and far between. I'll just lay down, and wait for the semester to end.

If Only Funding Could Heal These Wounds

Yesterday I received the great news that I had won another grant from a hard-to-get source. With this new grant and my CAREER, I'm doing pretty well for tenure. Papers and moving students through the pipeline are the next thing on my mind. To celebrate we went out for BBQ - the kind you eat at a picnic table with butcher paper on top.

And today, I went to see my RA doctor. I always dread these appointments because they make me so depressed. This time I went to get an ultrasound done on my hands. The doctor spotted new bone erosions in my fingers and wrist. Translation: my disease is still progressing and has not slowed down.

How cruel it is to feel so great, to live without pain, but to still have this damned disease that marches on behind the scenes. The doctor says that I can feel fine, but that is no indication of how I'm actually doing with RA. Because I have the erosions so young, that sets me up for more later in life. I don't know what happens in the long run, but I just keep going as usual.

Failure is the Path of Least Persistance

I just graded my class's second mid term, and I might have to get dentures because I've been grinding my teeth over it. I teach a core class that involves chemistry, physics, algebra, and easy calculus. We use a lot of tables to pick off data. I was extremely disappointed that 1/3 of my students were too lazy to interpolate data from a table, to use ideal gas law, or bother to get the right units. These are America's next generation and I would be horrified to have them working alongside my friend or working heavy machinery. Are we so lazy that we can't solve problems anymore?

March Madness

I just spent four hours doing email!

In the last 15 days, I've been home for only 2. I jet off to another conference on Sunday.

The first conference I went to was an international, invitation-only conference where I gave a short talk. It was probably the best talk of my life, and it was so well-received! I'd never felt so excited about my group as I had at that time.

Following a less-than-24 hr stay at home, I spent a week with my sister as she recovered from her mastectomy and received news about her treatment. I loved spending time with her, and was very sad to leave. I plan to go again as soon as classes are over.

Then, I drove to another conference in a town nearby. It was my first time to attend this conference after receiving my CAREER award, and this time it was very different. People I knew only in passing were congratulating me or shaking my hand. I had *arrived*!

And finally, I came home to my two-year old, my husband, and my in-laws who had spent the last two weeks taking care of Sparky. Without this kind of help, I couldn't do the travel that I just did. By the end of this extravaganza, My joints were tired and achy, but it's OK because I know it'll be better another day. Ugh, is it summer yet?

Send Love

Please send love and prayers to my sister, Dr. Mom, who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.

Faculty Participation

Yesterday I taught, attended a faculty candidate seminar, participated in graduate recruiting (met with students, went to the lunch and dinner, attended the recruiting poster session), and said goodbye to my great postdoc. So... the point is that I did a lot, but it was mostly departmental "service" type stuff. In contrast, we've got some faculty members in my department that do NOTHING - and they make twice my salary.

I met with a graduate recruit who was sharp, mature, and quality. After my meeting, I escorted him to meet with one of these faculty members who does nothing. That faculty member wasn't there. He stood up the recruit. In fact, I can't think of a single time that this faculty member has showed up for anything. He has a reputation for standing up seminar speakers, so why in the world did we allow him to meet with recruits?

And he isn't the only one. We've got other members who don't participate in events, like recruiting. Graduate students won't sign up to work in your group if they've never met you, hello! These older non-participating faculty then complain that no one wants to work for them.

Back to the jilted recruit, I scrambled to find a warm faculty body who would talk to the recruit for a half hour. Having the problem solved, I just went back to my office and seethed.