Monday, June 14, 2010

I'm Afraid of My Hands

I see my rheumatologist tomorrow to get the X-rays, and I'm scared. I keep looking at my hands.

My left index finger is looking deformed, but maybe that's my imagination cuz I'm been staring at m'damn hands too much. I'm scared that he may tell me that the damage has begun, that I have to go on something scary like Enbrel, that I can't live my life. Yes, I'm overdramatic, but I'm so scared and just writing it out here so that my husband doesn't have to hear me for the umpteenth time.

But then - even if my finger looks deformed - it doesn't hurt, and I can bend it. So keep on the bright side, or at least try to.


MommyProf said...

Blessings, JP.

Anonymous said...

Hope it goes well!!

Anonymous said...

I hope it went well!

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for a while, but just saw your recent RA post so was looking for any others and ran across this. Just so you know, I've been on Enbrel (and most of the other TNF-alpha drugs), and they have really, truly, changed my life. Everyone responds differently obviously, and some people are TNF-responders and some aren't, and some experience side effects and some don't, but I was extremely sick, and for me they are what have enabled me to have a normal, productive life again. Hopefully you don't need them, but if you do, they might not be as bad as you're afraid they will be. Good luck.